Over the past week, Pennyred has been investigating employment law, the minimum wage, disability living allowance reforms (DLA) and other such thrilling indictments on the State of the Union. This was intended as a nice, gentle, sweet-and-teenage proto-socialist rant. I was planning to use the tricolon a lot and perhaps even put in some swears for extra emphasis.
This piece of news, however, was tucked away in the middle section of the Grauniad today, right under ‘Government Proposes Cookery Courses For Fat Children – Jaimie Oliver Declared Home Secretary’. Not to worry you at all, but we (and by ‘we’ I mean the West, that ultimate ‘US’ that the UK continues to buy its way into with senseless and brutal defence over-spending) appear to be on the brink of doling out screaming fiery death to millions in the Third World, shortly before succumbing to said fiery death ourselves.
Read it. Then read it again, and see if you can make any logical sense out of what the NATO commission is saying, because god knows I can’t. We have to consider pre-emptive attacks (on powers whose allies already have nuclear missiles!) because of:
. Political fanaticism and religious fundamentalism. (Are they suggesting we nuke middle America, then? No, didn’t think so.)
· The “dark side” of globalisation, meaning international terrorism, organised crime and the spread of weapons of mass destruction. (We tried that. We’ve been trying that for five years, and it hasn’t worked so far. What the Afghans have in the west’s conception of ‘weapons of mass destruction’ amounts to a few really BIG rocks, and they’re still kicking our collective arses. Sorry.)
· Climate change and energy security, entailing a contest for resources and potential “environmental” migration on a mass scale. (Great. So rather than make major systemic changes to the way we’re currently destroying our planet, we’ll just kill everyone else so that we can have all the oil and water for ourselves and so those filthy poor people in other countries won’t come over here begging. Right.)
There used to be a name for this. It was ‘Mutually Assured Destruction’ (MAD).
So NATO is getting pissy because a bunch of peasants in the gulf are giving them a right kicking, because its member states’ (i.e.u.s.a) grip on global resources is threatened, and because it’s being humiliated on the world stage by its own ill-conceived attempts to bully the Gulf into submission. Now it wants to whap its big, shiny, fission-powered dick on the table and show the whole world Who Da Man.
This dispute could easily be solved by gathering key heads of state and military leaders in a small (preferably very cold) room and commanding them to unzip. Whip ’em out, boys! We have nothing to lose but our dreams, our loved ones and our lives!